Entertainment
by Mothball-Milkshake
Summary: Ino's discovered an interesting topic in one of her magazines, which Sakura stumbles across. Tenten interrupts the two younger girls to manipulate them into manipulating Sakura's teammates. WARNING - BXB - Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Ino stared out the window of her family's flower shop, wondering at the lack of customer lately

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

Ino stared out the window of her family's flower shop, wondering at the lack of customers lately. She watched Naruto run past, clutching his sides and trying not to fall over as he laughed, while also holding onto something blue in his hand. A few seconds later, Sasuke followed, obviously shouting angrily at Naruto, though Ino couldn't hear what they were saying.

She stopped leaning on the counter as the bell above the shop's door tinkled, and looked up.

"Oh, it's just you," she said in disappointed upon the sight of her friend and teammate, Shikamaru.

"Hey, that's not a very nice greeting, no wonder you've scared all your customers away," he replied with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah…" she said disdainfully, slumping back into the counter.

"Actually, my mother's birthday is coming up, and dad told me to come get flowers," Shikamaru interrupted.

"Oh, really?" Ino asked, her interest picking up again. "Were you looking for an arrangement, a bunch-" Shikamaru held up his hands to stop her.

"Woah, woah, don't get all complicated on me, I just need something she'll like, okay?" he said with a smirk.

Ino shrugged. "Well, the orchid arrangements over there are always quite popular, and they'll last a while," she said, lazily pointing to the afore-mentioned arrangements and she sat down and pulled out a magazine. Shikamaru wandered over to look, hands in his pockets as he studied each one closely.

After about 10 minutes, during which time Ino was quite absorbed in her magazine, he strolled back over holding a blue and purple orchid arrangement, with a butterfly clip attached to it.

She glanced up. "That one's 35," she told him.

Shikamaru counted out the money and put it in front of her. "There."

Ino re-counted it and put it in the till. Smiling pleasantly she turned back to him. "Thanks for choosing Yamanaka Flowers to buy your gift from, have a good day!"

Shikamaru chuckled; it was always hilarious seeing Ino working. "Yeah, sure." He left the shop, carrying the flowers in one hand, and putting his other hand back in his pocket.

Ino promptly picked up the magazine again and found the article she had been reading.

Finally finished with her training, Sakura was walking down the main street, looking for one of her friends. However, she ended up bumping into Ino, who was still reading a magazine.

"Hey, watch where you're going, Ino-pig!" she said angrily, brushing the dirt off herself.

"Maybe I could watch where I'm going if I could see past your forehead, Billboard-brow!" Ino retorted, picking up the magazine from where she'd dropped it. Something on one of the pages caught Sakura's attention, and she grabbed it from Ino.

"Hey-!" Ino started, as Sakura began flipping through the pages, finally coming to the one she'd seen earlier.

"Ino!" she gasped. "I didn't know you were into this sort of thing!" she added, staring at a picture of two shirtless 17-year-old boys kissing.

Ino snatched the magazine back. "Who said you could look through my stuff, hey?" she challenged, turning a deep crimson colour.

The argument was broken up by Naruto running between them, still carrying the same blue object he was before, only now looking much more tired.

"NARUTO!" a voice yelled, and both girls turned to see Sasuke barreling towards them. They stepped aside to let him pass.

"GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN BOXERS!"

Sasuke and Naruto disappeared around a corner, leaving both Sakura and Ino staring after them blankly, a bead of sweat appearing at each of their heads.

"Well that was…" started Sakura.

"…Very odd," Ino added helpfully.

"So, you like yaoi then?" Sakura asked, turning back to Ino, making her blush and look away.

"I never said I…I'm just curious is…wait, how do you know…?" Ino tried to construct a proper sentence.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Tenten made me read some shonen ai manga she was reading, but it wasn't too bad."

"So…have you ever seen…two guys, in real life?" Ino asked, interested.

"Well, there was that one time with Naruto and Sasuke, but other than that, no…" Sakura answered, remembering the time Naruto had accidentally kissed Sasuke.

"Wait, Naruto and Sasuke kissed?" Tenten asked, from behind them.

Ino and Sakura both jumped and turned around.

"What the- don't eavesdrop!" Ino said angrily.

Tenten ignored her. "That sounds pretty hot…" she said, almost to herself.

Sakura and Ino both stared at her.

"…What?" Tenten asked, finally noticing their eyes.

"But…it's Naruto!" Sakura said.

"So? He's pretty cute, he'd be the perfect uke," Tenten answered.

Ino shook her head to clear it of the mental images that were forming, before realizing that, yes, Naruto and Sasuke might look pretty cute together. She shook her head again, wondering what the Hell she was thinking, stopping as she saw Sakura doing the same thing, and Tenten smirking at both of them.

Ugh, he was _her_ Sasuke, how could she even picture him with anybody else? Still, Naruto wouldn't be too bad…at least it wouldn't be Ino-pig…Sakura's thoughts got the better of her, and she was jerked back to reality by Tenten clapping an arm around her shoulders.

"So, let's say we-" here Tenten put an arm over Ino's shoulders as well. "Work out a plan to get those two to kiss…properly, this time," she finished, winking.

Ino stiffened her back. "Why are you so interested?" she asked, grumpily.

Tenten smiled widely. "Well, my own team-mates have started to bored me, I need somebody new to play with."

Sakura blushed as she realized what the previous statement meant, while Ino looked slightly ill as Tenten led the two younger girls into a small restaurant.


	2. Chapter 2

"So," Tenten finally started, after buying her two younger companions lunch and eating her way through her own burger

**Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.**

"So," Tenten finally started, after buying her two younger companions lunch and eating her way through her own burger. Strange, this Western food was, but still, Tenten loved it.

"So…" Sakura prompted, noticing Tenten had become distracted by something out the window.

Tenten looked back at Ino and Sakura, who were both looking at her.

"Look," she said simply, pointing.

Sakura and Ino both leaned forward to see the place where Tenten was pointing.

"…It's a tree," Ino stated.

"**Behind** the tree, moron," Tenten said, rolling her eyes.

Sakura looked closer, and could clearly see two people half hidden behind it. Upon closer inspection, she realized that they were in fact two Chunin, by the names of Izumo and Kotetsu.

"Are they…" Ino started, trailing off as she saw Kotetsu biting Izumo's ear.

Tenten nodded smugly. "I love those two, some people are all shy in public, but not them."

"You have no shame. You're as bad as that Jiraiya-sama, snooping around and spying on people," Sakura told her. Tenten shrugged.

"So, about Sasuke and Naruto…" Ino started hopefully, trying to get the easily distracted older girl back on track.

"Right!" Tenten said loudly, turning back to the others, making them jump. "So, our aim is, obviously, to get them to-"

"To what, ladies?" a voice interrupted from above them. All three slowly looked up, to see the sadistic grin of the village Hokage looking down on them.

"To…er…" Tenten trailed off, blushing.

"So, you've noticed the sexual tension between those two as well, have you?" Tsunade asked, sitting down next to Tenten.

All three girls gaped at her, causing her to let out a short laugh.

"What, you think I was completely innocent at your age? No, by the time I was as old as you, I'd successfully gotten Jiraiya's hands in Orochimaru's pants. While I was there, of course. They put on an act, but I do think they enjoyed it, and when I left, well…" Tsunade ended her sentence rather quietly, gazing off into space.

Sakura looked slightly ill at the mention of Jiraiya and Orochimaru, Ino was still gaping at Tsunade, but Tenten was gazing at her with even more respect than she had before.

"So, can you help us?" Tenten finally asked, bringing Tsunade out of her reverie.

"Huh? Oh, sure, however I can," Tsunade answered, smiling.

"Great!" Tenten said excitedly.

"So…what exactly are we trying to do?" Ino asked, confused.

"We're trying to get Sasuke to shag Naruto," stated Tenten, matter-of-factly.

Sakura spit out the water she was drinking. "What?!" She shrieked. Tsunade also raised her eyebrows at Tenten, but didn't say anything.

Tenten rolled her eyes again. "Oh come on, I mean, I know they're young, but both are mature beyond their years – yes, even Naruto," she said, catching Sakura's doubtful look.

"I highly doubt Sasuke will agree to that," Ino said, snottily.

"Oh, I don't know, I think we could work something out…" Tenten said slyly, looking at the Hokage.

"Well, what about you, have you gotten Lee-san and Neji-kun to…you know?" Sakura asked, avoiding eye contact.

Tenten smirked. "That's our little secret."

Deciding she didn't really **want** to know, Sakura let the subject go.

"Well, first you need to talk to Naruto, find out how innocent his mind is," Tsunade interjected.

Tenten nodded at her. "Come on!" grabbing the other girls by the arms, she pulled them back out onto the street. Walking straight past the tree where Izumo and Kotetsu had been, and then past a suspiciously shaking bush with what looked like a Chunin vest hanging on it, Tenten made her way to Ichiraku's, fairly certain that's where Naruto would be. Sakura and Ino trailed behind her, whispering amongst themselves.

"Hey!" Tenten shouted, seeing the bright orange blur that was Naruto, running to his favourite ramen bar.

"Huh?" the blonde shinobi stopped.

_Blonde…_ Ino thought vaguely. _Always on the bottom…_ She remembered stereotypes she'd read in her magazine, really wanting to get back to it and read more now.

"Naruto, you know what sex is, right?" Tenten asked, smiling.

Sakura blinked at how blunt she was being.

"Um…" Naruto looked at them, blinking. He did remember something Iruka-sensei had told him once…

"_Ahem – Naruto, can you stay back for a minute?" Iruka called, as the rest of the class was filing out._

_Naruto sighed; he knew Iruka-sensei had caught him sleeping during the history of why the second Hokage became the Hokage._

"_Yes, Iruka-sensei?" he innocently, strolling up to where Iruka was packing away his notes for the lesson._

"_Well, Naruto, I'm aware that you see me as a sort of surrogate parent, and I'm very glad that you do," Iruka started, still fumbling with his papers._

_Naruto cocked his head. He wasn't in trouble?_

"_And, since there's nobody else, I feel it's sort of…my duty, to tell you these things." Iruka cleared his throat. "Well, you may have started to notice changes in your…er…your body…" Iruka finally put his paper away, but still wouldn't look Naruto in the eye._

"_You mean, when I do certain jutsu's and stuff?" Naruto asked, confused._

"_Um…no, not exactly." Iruka decided to try a different tactic. "Have you noticed anything, maybe, when you wake up from certain dreams, your bed is…sticky?" Iruka winced._

"_Oh, yeah! This one time, I was having a dream about kissing Sakura-chan, and then when I woke up, my pajama bottoms were all sticky and weird…"_

"_Yes, that's what I'm-"_

"_And another time, I accidentally brushed against her chest, and for some reason my di-"_

"_That's enough!" Iruka interrupted, blushing furiously._

"_Why…is it…weird?" Naruto asked, again, confused._

"_No, it's perfectly normal. Sometimes, when a boy reaches a certain ages, his p…his pe…oh um…let's just say…" Iruka cast his eyes around the room. "His kunai!" he said, eye falling on the weapons rack on the wall._

"_Okay…um…sure…" Naruto said doubtfully._

"_Well, sometimes, when a boy has certain thoughts about a girl, his 'kunai' will become larger than it originally was, and this is because if the boy manages to get his kunai in between the girl- in her…um…'kunai holster'…it can cause reproduction. That's how people create babies," Iruka finished lamely._

"_Right…so when my d-when my 'kunai' gets all hard…" Naruto changed his word mid sentence, seeing the look on his teacher's face. "It means I've got to get it in the girl's kunai holster, which is…between her legs?" Naruto took a guess._

"_Yes. I mean- no! Not all the time! Only if you both feel comfortable and want it to happen!" Iruka said, fiddling with a piece of cotton hanging off his sleeve._

"_Okay, I get it," Naruto said, uncomfortably._

"_Right. Anything else you need to know, just ask m- one of your friends. I'm sure they'll be able to help you." Iruka nodded at Naruto, who took it as his queue to leave. Iruka slumped in his chair, and let out a sigh. "That was harder than I thought it would be…" he muttered. " I NEVER want to have kids. Going through that talk once was hard enough…"_

Naruto was jolted out of this memory by Tenten's sharp voice.

"Right, so, you know about sex. Well, we want you to have sex with Sasuke."

Sakura blanched, while Ino stood there looking stunned.

"But…how? I mean, Sasuke's a guy…" Naruto said, obviously thinking that Tenten was crazy.

Tenten blinked at him, for once, unable to think of something to say.

Ino stepped in. "Naruto, can you do us a favor?" she asked, sweetly.

Naruto looked at Sakura, who nodded. "Sure," He said, smiling at Ino.

Ino grinned wickedly. "Can you go and ask Sasuke-kun if he knows what gay sex is?"

Naruto had never heard the term before, but he shrugged, and leapt onto the nearest roof, heading for Sasuke's house.

Ino smiled at the other two girls, who were looking at her appreciatively.

They watched Naruto disappear, before walking over to sit on a nearby park bench, Ino pulling out her magazine as she did so.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto walked down the street near the academy

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

Naruto walked down the street near the academy. He was supposed to be looking for Sasuke, but figured that it wasn't all that important. Maybe he'd go visit Iruka-sensei and try and get some free ramen from him…

"Oh, hi N-Naruto-kun…" said a shy voice from behind a tree. Naruto looked around to see Hinata half concealed behind it.

"Hinata, hey, what are you doing behind there?" he asked, slightly disinterested in the odd girl.

"Uhm, n-nothing!" she leapt out from behind the tree and her face turned crimson. "Were you…l-looking…f-for someone?" she asked, looking down and pointing her fingers together.

"Yeah, Sasuke, actually. Have you seen him?" Naruto said, casting his eyes around for an excuse to leave. He didn't want to be rude but she was just so…un-nerving.

"Er, yes, I t-think he was at…um…the second training grounds…" she told him, glancing up. "Why do you need to…see him?" she asked, since Naruto and Sasuke didn't get along so brilliantly.

"I need to ask him if he knows about gay sex, cya Hinata!" Naruto shouted, running off, leaving Hinata to stare after him in confusion and disbelief.

"Hey – Sasuke!" Naruto said, dodging a log that Sasuke appeared to have sent flying. "Sasuke!"

"What?" Sasuke asked, turning around and almost accidentally sending a kunai flying at Naruto, stopping himself just in time. "What do you want? Can't you see I'm training?" he asked in annoyance.

"Uhm…I have to ask you something…" Naruto said, folding his arms and pouting at having to actually ask Sasuke a question. That damn Ino.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Well, hurry up, I don't have all day you know."

Naruto looked up and looked him in the eye. "Do you know what 'gay sex' is?" he said, seriously. If he had of been more perceptive, he would have seen Sasuke's eyes widen slightly, and noticed the sharp intake of breath from his teammate, but he didn't.

"Of course I know what gay sex is, idiot," Sasuke said, managing to keep his voice steady before raising one eyebrow at Naruto and turning away.

"Well…um…okay…bye then!" Naruto said, confused, before taking off, using illogical reserves of energy. Sasuke turned around quickly to see his disappearing form. Odd, he had been expecting more questions…

He shrugged, turning back around to aim a shuriken at the bulls-eye painted on a log a ways in front of him, cursing when he missed. Damn Naruto, he had completely put him off.

Sakura was started out of her semi-dazed state as a blur of orange she soon realized was Naruto appeared in front of her.

"Well?" Ino and Tenten leaned forward eagerly.

Naruto shrugged, hands in pockets. "Hey said 'of course I know what gay sex is' …then he called me an idiot and went back to his training. So what is gay sex, anyway?" Naruto told them, impatient to know why they had him running all over the village, and asking questions of Sasuke, no less!

"Never mind, you'll find out later…" Tenten said absently, waving a hand at him and turning to Ino and Sakura.

Naruto could only hear parts of their whispered conversation.

"So he knows about it…"

"I wonder how?"

"-still don't think this is a good idea…"

"Do you reckon he's…"

"Stop arguing, remember what we're trying to do here…"

All three girls then turned to Naruto, who leaned back as though scorched by Tenten's serious stare.

"Naruto," she said to him, waiting until she had his full attention. "This is a very important mission, for the sake of the village. You need to find out first, what gay sex is – not from us!" she added quickly as he opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking disgruntled. "And manage to convince Sasuke to go through with it with you."

"Go through with WHAT?! I don't even know what you're talking about!" Naruto said, getting ever more frustrated. "And how is my doing whatever-the-hell-it-is with Sasuke going to help the village?"

"Tsunade-sama thinks he may have knowledge about Orochimaru!" Sakura jumped in, shrugging slightly at the others quizzical looks. "And...er…you're the only one who can do it!" she added, knowing how easy it was to get him to do things if you stoked his ego.

Naruto puffed his chest out in pride. "Ah, so it's a really special mission, right? One that only future-Hokage's can do?" he asked, winking at Sakura. Sakura sweat-dropped, and looked at him.

"Sure. Right. Future-Hokage's," she said listlessly, as he did a leap in the air.

"Wooh! Grandma Tsunade is finally recognizing my skill! All right, I'll go find out about this now! Bye guys!" he took off again, kicking a cloud of dirt up onto Ino, who shrieked and attempted to brush it off her magazine.

Naruto debated asking Iruka-sensei about this 'gay sex' thing, then decided he didn't really wanted to be treated to another ambiguous lecture about kunai and everything else.

He thought he saw something behind a tree, but shrugged it off as being a trick of the light.

Naruto then decided to ask the smartest person he knew.

"Shikamaru! Oi, Shikamaru!" he yelled, waving and grinning as he walked up the stairs to Shikamaru's favourite place to hang out.

Shikamaru sighed, and sat up. "What do you want?" he asked irritably.

"Strange, people keep saying that to me today…" Naruto mused. "Oh, right, Shikamaru, can you answer a question for me?"

"Shoot," Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Do you know what gay sex is?" Naruto asked honestly.

Shikamaru turned pale, before almost falling off his seat as he burst into laughter. Naruto watched him, confused, for a minute, before sulking and muttering "Fine, if you don't know I'll go ask someone else…" Naruto turned to leave, but Shikamaru finally got a hold of himself and sat up, clutching his sides.

"Wait- sorry, it's just- do you seriously not know?" Shikamaru asked, studying the blonde shinobi to see if he was joking.

"Yes! Now can you explain it to me? Please?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"I'm not even going to ask why…" Shikamaru muttered, casting his eyes up at the clouds. Unfortunately, Naruto heard him, and seemed to think it fit to answer the unasked question.

"Ino told me to find out about it, then do whatever it is with Sasuke. It's for the village," Naruto said importantly.

Shikamaru looked at him, mild interest showing on his expression. "Ino, huh? Never knew she was into that kind of thing…oh well," he said, heaving himself to his feet. "Do you know what sex is, at least?"

"Yes…"

"Well, then do you know what it means to be gay?" Shikamaru asked, sighing.

"…No…" Naruto said, watching as Shikamaru stretched out his joints with several loud cracking noises.

"Right…well…maybe I should show you…" Shikamaru leaned towards Naruto.

Naruto stared at him in shock. "What? What do you mean?"

Shikamaru absently smacked at a large beetle that had been resting on Naruto's arm, and leaned back again. The beetle flew off, dazed, but unharmed.

"Come with me, maybe I can make you understand all this better. Ino…" Shikamaru said, putting his hands behind his head and walking down the stairs. "You coming?" he asked, turning slightly. Naruto nodded, and hastened to follow his old friend.

Shino held up his finger for the beetle to land on. After a few seconds, he spoke up.

"You were right, something strange is going on with Naruto and those girls…it appears they have convinced Naruto that having sex with Sasuke is an extremely important mission," he said quietly, to Kiba and Hinata, who were listening intently. Hinata blushed crimson, and Kiba gave her a mischievous look, looking back at Shino and grinning. His face suddenly took on a much angrier look.

"That bastard! I was going to fuck Sasuke!" he said dramatically. Hinata shrieked, and immediately passed out.

"That was mean," Shino stated, looking at her inert form.

Kiba shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "I'll tell her I was joking when she wakes up. So, if Naruto and Sasuke are g-"

"No," Shino cut him off.

"But I was just going to s-"

"No."

Kiba shrugged. "Worth a shot…" he muttered, winking at Shino.

Shino started slightly, and turned away before Kiba could see him blushing. "Anyway, about the events transpiring between Sasuke, Naruto and those three girls…" he said, changing the subject.

Kiba frowned, unpleased at the fact that Shino would no longer look at him. He was only joking, after all. "Interfere, or not interfere?" he ventured.

"…Let's see how they go by themselves. We may involve ourselves later," Shino said, finally able to turn back to Kiba, glancing again at Hinata's now slightly stirring figure.

"Sounds like fun…" Kiba said, watching their female teammate sit up and look around in confusion. The same look as before came over his face, and Shino took a step back.

"Well, I'll see you later, honey!" Kiba said cheerily to Shino. Shino frowned, and took several more steps back, but he wasn't quick enough. Kiba leapt up, put one hand around the base of his neck, and pressed their lips together. Shino froze, and jumped almost a foot in the air when he felt Kiba grab his arse. About to push his incredibly extroverted teammate away from him, Kiba pulled away of his own accord. He winked again at Shino, before leaping onto the nearest roof and disappearing from sight.

Shino stood, in shock, for a moment, then he noticed that Hinata had passed out again.

_Dammit Kiba!_

He thought, angrily.

_Now I'm going to have to explain this all to her!_

Ignoring the heat in his cheeks, he sat down and patiently waited for the small girl to regain consciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

_A/N – I'd like to give a huge thank-you to all my reviewers, you make me feel bad for not updating in so long, so good on you! I'll especially give a shout-out to InoLovesSasuNaru (I think that's your username, sorry if I got some wrong ^^') for reviewing I think every chapter and always giving me a laugh._

"Shikamaru? Where are me going?" Naruto puffed, having finally run out of his endless supply of energy from having to first climb down the many stairs leading to Shikamaru's favourite hangout spot, then being led through the village and up a rather large hill.

Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder carelessly. "Don't worry, you'll see soon…" he said, mysteriously. Naruto frowned, but managed to keep his mouth shut.

As promised, it wasn't long before Shikamaru stopped just behind a large group of rocks overlooking one of the little-used training areas.

"Hey, isn't this where Bushy-Brow's team used to practice before there was that huge rockslide?" Naruto asked, pointing out all the clumps of boulders and stones, with the occasionally grassy patch with a tree or two, here or there.

"Hn. Speaking of 'Bushy-Brow', as you so like to call him-"

"Hey! What the Hell is Neji doing to him!?" Naruto interrupted Shikamaru angrily, and went to stand up.

Shikamaru grabbed him roughly by the back of the jacket, causing him to lose his balance and fall back down with ease.

"Sit down, you idiot," he muttered, quietly. "Neji's not hurting your friend."

"But look at them, Neji's trying to squash him!" Naruto yelled earnestly.

"You mean Neji's sitting on him?" Shikamaru asked, taking a closer look. "Huh. They've switched around since last time, I guess…"

"What?"

"Ah, nothing. Anyway, oh – wait, look now," he turned Naruto's head back to the two people they were spying on.

From their vantage point they could clearly see Lee sliding his hands up Neji's shirt, and Neji leaning his head back as Lee started to molest Neji's neck with his mouth, before turning around to kiss the other boy square on the lips.

"Wait…" Naruto said, a blank expression on his face. "Does this mean…"

"Yes, Neji and Lee are in fact, together. Whether they're gay or bi, I'm not sure, sometimes they get along with Tenten a little too well, if you know what I-"

"Does that mean Neji's a girl?" Naruto asked, shocked.

Shikamaru stared at him, his eye twitching, for a few seconds, before slapping his friend over the side of the head.

"No, you idiot!" he almost yelled, attracting the attention of the couple below them. He shook his head, before grabbing Naruto's sleeve and dragging him off.

Having finally reached what seemed like an abandoned picnic area, Shikamaru sat down on one of the stone benches beside a heavily weathered stone table, and sighed.

"Naruto," he started, resting his chin on his hand and propping it up with his elbow. "Do you think relationships only exist between men and women?"

"Well, yes, I mean, that's how you make babies, right? Men don't have kunai holsters…" Naruto said, doubtfully.

"Ah, I'm in way over my depth…" Shikamaru muttered.

Who could he go to? Asuma? No, he'd seen Asuma's collection, and more often than not there was a distinct lack of men in them. Kurenai? She'd probably give some long, confusing lecture complete with labeled diagrams. No. Anko? He cast aside that thought as soon as he had it. That was absolutely out of the question. But what about Naruto's own sensei? Surely Kakashi had something in one of those books of his, besides, there were those…rumours…about him and a certain Chunin with an odd scar on his nose…yes, he'd do nicely.

"Naruto…" Shikamaru said tiredly, pulling out a pencil and paper from one of his pockets and quickly scribbling a note. "Take this to Kakashi-sensei," he told him, folding it up.

Naruto pocketed the paper and half-heartedly waved goodbye to Shikamaru before setting off on what seemed to him like yet another wild goose-chase.

* * * * *

"How do you think they're going?" Kiba asked, casually, as he lent back against his seat in the barbequed meat restaurant Choji has recommended to them.

Shino picked at his meat, privately thinking it looked a bit too under-cooked, and put it back in the middle of the table to grill for a little while longer.

"…"

"Oh come on Shino, you're not still sore about earlier, are you? I'm sorry for leaving you to explain all that to Hinata," Kiba grinned, rubbing the back of his head, once against not noticing their soft-spoken female team-mate blush and look down at her plate.

Shino chose to ignore him. Occasionally, ignoring annoying things made them go away. However it seemed this time it wasn't going to work.

"Geez, okay, I know you don't like boys, but do you have to get so up in arms about it? It was one freaking kiss!" Kiba said, rather too loudly for Shino's liking.

Noticing Hinata tearing her napkin to shreds, Shino stood up and roughly grabbed Kiba's arm, leading him outside the restaurant.

"What the Hell was that for?" Kiba said, finally getting angry.

"You're wrong," Shino said, simply, before walking off, leaving Kiba standing outside the restaurant looking confused.

* * * * *

"Hey, Ino…" Shikamaru called, smirking as he spotted the blonde girl chatting animatedly with Sakura and Tenten. "What's all this you've started with Naruto?"

Ino looked around, flicking her long bang out of her face as she did so.

"He came to ask me what-" Ino shoved a hand over his mouth.

"Not so loud! Not in public!" she hissed, glaring at him as people looked at them suspiciously. Granted, this was probably only because Shikamaru was slowly turning a vague blue colour and going limp, but who's going to judge?

"Ino, at least let go of his nose," Tenten said in amusement. Ino started as she realized Shikamaru's eyes were slowly closing, and released him.

Drawing in a great gulp of air, he glared at her. "Are you trying to kill me?" he asked, angrily.

"Sorry…it was an accident," she said sheepishly.

"So, Naruto came to you, did he? What did you do?" Sakura asked, curiosity evident in her voice.

"I showed him Lee and Neji, but he didn't get it," he explained, amusement evident in his voice.

"Oooh, what are those two up to now?" Tenten asked eagerly.

"Nothing that requires you there," Shikamaru answered, causing the older girl to blush. "It's not like that…" she muttered.

"Yes, I'm sure you just like to watch, right, Tenten?"

Sakura and Ino marveled at the way he spoke so casually to a girl that was at least a year older than him.

"Well then what were you doing? Just admiring the scenery and happened to notice two boys all over each other, huh?" she retorted.

Shikamaru laughed. "Hardly. It's quite interesting, knowing what's going on between which people, sometimes," he ended on an ambiguous note.

Not particularly wanting to know the details of the entire village's sordid love lives, Sakura pressed on. "So what did you do after he didn't get it?"

"I sent him to Kakashi-sensei, with a note from me, explaining everything. Or, as much as I know, at least," he said easily.

Sakura paled. "Not…not Kakashi-sensei…" she stammered.

Kakashi-sensei,

I'm terribly sorry to bother you on such short notice, but it seems your students are having a slight problem. Sakura has in fact teamed up with Ino and Tenten, in order to possibly get Sasuke and Naruto together, I'm not sure on the detailed. However, it seems Naruto is oblivious to the fact that two guys can be with one another, so I'm sending him to you in the hopes you'll be able to explain better than I could. 

- Nara Shikamaru


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

_A/N Ah~ Sorry about the time it takes me to update. -_-' I've just gotten on school holidays; so my boss is taking the opportunity to force extra shifts down my throat. So, for any readers who have stuck with me this long, thank you. This fic is not abandoned, I don't abandon my fics. It will get finished, I promise! If anyone's still reading – I'll be going away in January to Queens land, of all places. Gah~ my mother knows I hate the sun and beaches and stuff And after that I'm seeing the Rocky Horror Show, so I won't be back on any of my current works from the 8__th__ 'till the 22__nd__ of January. This chapter dedicated to attempting to cheer myself up, so if it gets a little insane, please forgive. ^^'_

Naruto dragged his feet past Ichiraku's. He was tired of being sent everywhere, and getting nowhere. His expression lightened as he heard the voice of the owner calling out about a new flavour. Well, one, short pit stop wouldn't hurt…

Roughly an hour and fifteen bowls of ramen later, Naruto exited, patting his stomach in satisfaction. He felt a pang of regret as he noticed his empty wallet.

_Hmm…what was it I was meant to be doing? _He thought, vaguely, as he continued down the street. He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, jolting his own memory.

_Ah! Yes! I have to go see Kakashi-sensei!_ He set off with new determination. He was going to find out what was going on, even if it took him all week.

* * * * *

The man in question was actually leaning comfortably against a tree, one leg hanging down off the branch and the other drawn up in front of him to rest his elbow on. He chuckled quietly as he turned a page in his book, his one visible eye widening at the scene that was taking place before him. He pulled at his collar with his free hand and whistled quietly.

"I didn't even know that was physically possible…" he muttered to himself, marveling at the way the images were contorted.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" a loud, obnoxious, annoying and all together too familiar to him called out from below.

Kakashi jumped from the shock, and landed painfully on his rear on the ground.

"Ah, there you are!" Naruto grinned down at him.

Kakashi looked bemusedly up at him before regaining his composure.

"Naruto…" he said, getting to his feet. "What is it you were looking for me for?"

"Ah, well, actually Shikamaru sent- what's that?" Naruto started, then looked down as he saw Kakashi's book lying open on the ground.

Kakashi skillfully kicked the book, catching it as it flew into the air, and put it in his weapons pouch. "What's what?" he asked, lightly.

"That…book, oh, don't worry," Naruto replied, irritated. "Shikamaru sent me to give you this." He pulled the crumpled up piece of paper from his pocket. Kakashi gingerly unwrinkled it, what was exposed of his face showing a hint of amusement as he read Shikamaru's neat handwriting.

Naruto crossed his arms and glared at his teacher. "Well? What is it?"

Kakashi smiled at him. "Naruto, I believe you've had the whole 'birds and the bees' talk from Iruka-sensei, correct?"

"If you could call it that…I learnt more from Kiba's magazines than Iruka-sensei…" Naruto muttered.

Kakashi scratched the back of his neck in wonderment. At what age did these boys hit puberty and the curiosity for girls? Unless Kiba was just a fast developer…

"Anyway, what does that have to do with anything?" Naruto jarred him from his thoughts.

"Well, actually, quite a bit…" Kakashi started. Naruto frowned at him.

"Why is everybody being so unclear? I just want to know what this whole 'gay' thing people are talking about is!" he announced, looking at Kakashi as if it was entirely his fault.

Kakashi sighed. Well, if it was blunt Naruto wanted, it was blunt he was going to get. He pulled out his book and flipped to a relevant page, turning it around so Naruto could get a good look.

"What is he…isn't that…how are they…" Naruto stammered. Kakashi got a wicked glint in his eye.

"Well, you know about how men have penises, women have vaginas, correct?"

Naruto blushed but nodded.

"Well, since men don't have vaginas, if one man wants to have sex with another man, he has to do it another way. Often referred to as the 'back entrance' or 'dirt road'," he glanced at Naruto to see if he was keeping up.

"You mean…the butt?" Naruto asked, comprehension finally dawning.

"Yes, to use your terms, the 'butt'. Now, as for how this takes place and why…" he continued on in his lecture, Naruto turning paler by the second.

* * * * *

Naruto walked dazedly down the street, not paying attention to where he was going.

"N-Naruto-kun!" Lee exclaimed, catching the blonde haired shinobi as he tripped over a loose piece of brick.

Naruto looked slowly up at him, recognition slowly dawning on his face. He quickly shoved himself off Lee and turned slightly green, running off to the nearest bush.

Lee winced at the unpleasant retching sounds as Naruto doubled over.

"Naruto-kun? What's wrong?" he asked, keeping his distance.

Naruto finally got shakily to his feet, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "You…I can't believe…Bushy-brow?!" he stuttered out.

Lee frowned in confusion. "Naruto-kun, you're not making any sense. Here, let's get you a drink of water…" he offered, trying to lead the younger boy into a nearby restaurant.

"Stay back! I don't know where those hand have been!" Naruto stared at him in a panic and tripped back over on to his backside in an attempt to back away.

"Naruto-kun, I don't know what you're talking about," Lee told him, honestly.

"You-"  
"Naruto!" came a female voice from down the street. Both boys looked up to see a blur of pink running towards them, followed not as quickly by Tenten, Ino, and finally Shikamaru being dragged along unwillingly by Ino.

"Ah, Lee-san! Sorry about him," Sakura smiled as she reached them.

"What's the matter? Did something happen?" Lee asked, concern evident on his features.

"Oh, it's nothing for you to worry about! Come on, Naruto!" she said brightly. Her façade was only broken by how tightly she gripped Naruto arm as she dragged him off to a park.

"Naruto…" she growled. "You're over-reacting."

"Ah! You! You started this!" he pointed wildly at Tenten. Tenten waved at him innocently.

"Why did you send him to Kakashi-sensei?" Ino asked Shikamaru in annoyance.

"Well nobody else could explain it to him!" he retorted.

"Uh, guys?"

"Didn't mean you had to send him to Kakashi-sensei! He probably showed him diagrams and images in that book of his!"

"You didn't tell him anything other than 'have sex with Sasuke'!"

"Guys!"

"We were hoping he'd be able to figure it out on his own! Besides, we had a plan!"

"Oh, and I'm sure you were just about to implement it, right? I got tired of how clueless he was!"

"GUYS!" Tenten finally got their attention.

"WHAT?!" Shikamaru and Ino yelled, looking at her in unison.

She pointed wordlessly at Naruto, who had passed out from the traumatic experiences of the day.

Sakura sighed. "Let's get him to his house, maybe he'll have calmed down by the time he wakes up."

"The question is, how are you going to get him to go through with it now he seems so opposed?" Ino asked.

"Uhm…I believe I may have a suggestion…" a small voice spoke up from behind a tree.

Four heads turned to look at the mysterious newcomer.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

_A/N Oh wow? An update so soon? The world may be coming to an end. No, I'd just really like to get a move on with this story, I think it's dragged on long enough. Not that this will be the last chapter though. I think. Well, it writes itself, let's see how it goes._

Kiba sighed. "What do you mean, you haven't seen her since we were at the restaurant?" he asked his silent teammate.

"…"

"Okay, fine. There's no logical way to explain that any further, right? Jeez, you're so irritating! Will you just talk?" Kiba asked in exasperation.

"…"

Kiba grinned and said in a joking manner, "If you don't talk I'm going to rape you."

"I have nothing to say," Shino informed him.

"Oh, you talked…" Kiba sounded vaguely disappointed. "Anyway, did you see which way she went?"

"…"

"…This is going to take a while…" Kiba exhaled, and sat down on a tree stump.

* * * * *

"Eh?!" An ineloquent exclamation left Naruto's mouth as he sat up. "Eh?" he looked around and noticed he was in his own room. From last memory, he had been with Sakura, Ino, Tenten and Shikamaru. "Eh?!" he let out a final confused noise and collapsed back onto the pillows.

He thought back onto what he'd been forced to learn, but didn't overreact or even feel ill this time. It didn't seem so strange to him anymore.

Thinking back on all the things he'd seen, but hadn't understood, a lot more was making sense to him now. A thoughtful expression crossed his face as he wondered why Kakashi-sensei had been so comfortable with talking to him. And why he was so knowledgeable. And why he had all those books. Memories of seemingly insignificant events flashed across his mind.

"_Ah, Iruka-k-san," Kakashi said as he walked into Naruto's old classroom after lessons had finished, only to find the boy in question sitting on a desk and seeming to have stopped mid-rant._

"_K-Kakashi-sama! Naruto here was just telling me about how he and his teammates are doing lately. I hope they haven't given you any trouble?" he grinned._

"_Oh, heaps of trouble, right, Naruto?" Kakashi said as he looked at the grinning boy._

_Naruto thumbed his headband. "You know, it's not my fault Sakura-chan can't pay attention to anything when Sasuke's near her-"_

"_Actually, you seem to be the one not paying attention when he's around. Is there something you're not telling me, Naruto?" Kakashi asked pleasantly._

_Naruto scowled at the floor. "He's not as great as everyone thinks. What does she even see in him…" he muttered, while Iruka cast a warning look at Kakashi._

"_In fact, you were so preoccupied last time, you didn't even notice Sakura sneaking up behind you until she had your head in her hand and her kunai to your neck. Not the best training session for you, Naruto," Kakashi told him. "Don't you remember what I told you the first time we met? Always…watch your back. Right, Iruka-san?" he grinned at Iruka, who flushed extraordinarily._

"_Uh…right!" he answered, a nervous smile on his face._

_Naruto stayed glaring at the floor. "I'll do better than him next time, anyway. Fine then, I'm off." And with that, he jumped down off the desk and ran out the door._

"_Well, for all your talk, it seemed Sasuke was once again the one who had to rescue you," Kakashi said, tiredly, as they walked back from their latest mission. Kakashi had the bandit slung over his shoulder, arms and legs tied._

"_Huh! That little blonde haired brat couldn't fight to save his life! He was too busy staying at that moody kid! Sasuke, was it?" he spoke up in an entirely too sure of himself voice._

"_Don't make me gag you, as well," Kakashi said evenly._

"_Oh, please don't, then I'd have nothing to do but stare at these two making moon-eyes at each other! Seriously! What the fuck do you teach these kids? They're both little fag-"_

_Naruto never got to hear what the bandit was going to say, as Kakashi had hurled him off his shoulder onto the ground._

"_Heh! Hit a nerve, did I? What, are you hoping to go back to Konoha for a good fuck with your b-" once again, the criminal was cut off, this time by Kakashi slamming a foot down onto his chest. _

"_In your position, I don't really think it's of any help to you to be mouthing off, do you?" though his tone was pleasant, there was a steely glint in his eye._

_Naruto wondered what the bandit had said to have pissed off his usually calm teacher so badly, then noticed Sasuke frowning slightly at the thief and his teacher._

_**Hmph…bet he thinks he understands something I don't…smug bastard…**__ he thought mutinously._

_Kakashi leant down to say something to the man that his students couldn't hear, but it seemed to invoke a satisfying reaction from their catch, as his eyes went wide and he nodded fearfully._

_Standing up, Kakashi put his hands on his hips and smiled. "Well then, it seems I've no choice but to gag you. Can't have you teaching these innocent kids all those nasty words you're spouting out, right?" Kakashi asked as he pulled out a length of cloth and tied it around the man's face. Picking him up and throwing him back over his shoulder, he sighed._

"_Kakashi-sama!" Iruka called as he ran up to the gray-haired man, sitting on a rock and surveying his students training._

"_Gai-san knows," he said shortly._

_Kakashi exhaled and put his palm to his forehead. "Well, of course. You can't expect him to keep to himself, can you?" he asked in a weary sounding voice._

"_No, I mean…he's coming over here right now!" Iruka informed him frantically, pointing to the top of the hill where a figure in all green was strolling happily towards them._

"_Iruka-kun! Kakashi-san! I'm so pleased for you! Congratulations!" he shouted, waving at them._

"_Why?" Naruto asked him. He was ignored._

"_Why didn't you tell me? I had to find out from Kurenai-san! I suspected something was going on, but I only found out once I told her I'd tell everybody about her all too frequent 'bathroom-breaks' and the real reason behind them!" he beamed._

"_What's going on?" Naruto asked insistently._

"_Nothing, Naruto. Go back to your training. Gai-san, if we could possibly speak to you alone?" Kakashi said easily._

"_Of course! We need to throw you a party!" Gai announced._

"_No parties…" Iruka moaned as the three older men walked off._

Naruto frowned as everything clicked into place. He folded his arms behind his head and lay back on them, wondering how he never knew any of this stuff.

A few moments of silence passed comfortably, with only the sounds of the birds outside and the chatter from the streets to be heard, before Naruto sat up rapidly, a shocked look on his face.

"They want me to WHAT with Sasuke?!?"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

"Ah, so, Hinata-san, you said you had a suggestion?" Sakura asked, once they had gotten Naruto to his house.

"Ah…uhm…yes…" she said, unhelpfully.

"Hinata-chan, tell us, what's this good idea of yours?" Tenten beamed, and slung an arm around the smaller girl's shoulders.

"Well…I…er…I heard somebody saying something once…" she muttered, tapping her forefingers together.

"Hinata? You did?" Shikamaru asked, a doubtful look on his face as he folded his arms behind his head and sat down on a nearby park bench.

"Shikamaru! Why are you stopping?" Ino said, annoyed.

"Too much walking. Here is as good a place as any to talk," he told her.

"Uhm…okay…well, er, Tenten-senpai, I once overheard these two men…uhm…arguing…" she started into her explanation.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, Naruto was heading to his well-known old classroom.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" he burst through the door.

Iruka threw the tests he was marking into the air from surprise. "Naruto-kun!" he exclaimed. "What's the problem?" he asked, concerned, as he tried to sort through the papers.

* * * * *

"KAKASHI!" Iruka bellowed into the forest.

"Yes?" Kakashi asked, looking down at him from a nearby tree.

"We have a problem," he told him, frowning up at him.

"Oh? We do? Well, we'll just see if I can help, hmm?" he said, hopping out of the tree and grabbing Iruka around the waist.

"I…uh…" Iruka mumbled, blushing. "No! Don't try and distract me," he said, pushing the older man away.

"Hmm. Okay then, what kind of a 'problem' are we talking about?" Kakashi asked, picking up his book again.

Iruka placed a hand on the book and lowered it from in front of Kakashi's gaze.

Kakashi looked up to see Iruka with a sort of lop-sided grin on his face, and a twitch near his left eye.

"Er…are you okay?" he asked, concerned. And, admittedly, slightly freaked out.

"I have to talk to you…about your earlier talk with Naruto-kun," he told him, evenly.

* * * * *

"Shino," Kiba sighed, leaning against a tree. "I already apologized for earlier, what more do you want?"

"…"

"Would you stop being so stubborn?" he shouted in annoyance, running a hand through his hair. Akamaru whimpered.

Kiba sighed again, and pressed his palms against his eyelids.

"Okay. I'm going to do something, and I'm not sure you'll like it, but maybe it will provoke a reaction, alright?" Kiba put his arms on Shino's shoulders and looked at him seriously.

"…"

"I choose to take your silence as consent," were the final words Shino heard, before the brunette descended on him as he had much earlier.

* * * * *

_Ah…where did Iruka-sensei go? _Naruto thought as he walked down the street. He had disappeared right after Naruto told him everything that had been going on, without a word. Though he did look quite distressed.

He sighed, but decided he'd eventually need to talk to those girls. Walking into Ichiraku's, he spotted Choji.

"Ah, hey, haven't seen you around for a while," he said, dropping onto a stool and signaling for the usual. "Any idea where Shikamaru or Ino are?" he asked.

"No, I haven't seen them all day," Choji said between mouthfuls. "Why, do you need to talk to them about something?"

"Oh, nothing really, just wondered where they were. I think Sakura-chan's with them, and I do want to talk to her. Um, mission stuff and all that," he said, averting his eyes.

"Well if it's stuff to do with the team, shouldn't you look for Kakashi-sensei?" Choji asked him, quite innocently. Naruto shuddered involuntarily.

"Or Sasuke? He's on your team too, right," Choji suggested. Naruto turned pale, and suddenly canceled his order.

"Ah, that's a great idea, but I think I'll just try and find Sakura-chan on my own!" he said, backing out of the ramen bar and waving. Choji shrugged at his odd behavior, and went back to his meal.

* * * * *

"Yes, that is a brilliant idea! Why haven't you come up to us before?" Tenten exclaimed, hugging Hinata.

"Um, Tenten-san, I don't think she can breathe…" Sakura said, uncertainly.

"More importantly, how did she even know about this…" Ino spoke up. Hinata turned bright red.

"I…that is to say…I…heard people talking?" she said uncomfortably.

"Oh, a little spy! How adorable!" Tenten was still hugging the poor girl.

"Tenten, let her go, look, she's turning bright pink," Sakura told her. Tenten took one look at the shy girl, and immediately released her.

"Right, sorry about that," she said, rubbing her head. "So, first job, we need to find Sasuke, right?" she added, grinning.

* * * * *

_I wonder how those girls are doing…_ Tsunade thought, looking up from her paperwork.

She could remember, back in her day, playing similar games with her two teammates. Ah, but that was all in times past, all three of them had moved on by now.

"Tsunade, you grumpy old, but still gorgeous woman, are you in there?" came a voice from outside.

She smiled to herself. Well, some of them had moved on.

"Jiraiya, you old pervert, you never give up, do you?" she said, once again opening the door to his grinning face and a bottle of sake.

"Ah, well, persistence is key, or something like that, right?" he asked her, cheekily.

She smirked at him. "And maybe one day it will pay off, hmm?" she said, as she closed the door on him.

* * * * *

"Well, Shikamaru asked me to tell him…" Kakashi shrugged.

"That doesn't mean you needed to tell him…all of…that!" Iruka said, incensed. "You've completely corrupted his mind! He's probably passed out now because of your damn…books!"

"Oh, no! A lover's quarrel?" said a voice from above them.

Without looking up, Iruka said, "Go away, Anko. This is none of your concern."

"Ah, I'm wounded. That's no way to talk to an old friend, is it?" she said, jumping down from the tree and holding her heart dramatically.

"No, it's not. But do you really think I can call you an old friend?" he replied, pleasantly enough.

"Oh, Iruka, you always were a kidder, weren't you? Now, what's this argument about?" she asked them curiously.

"Now that really is none of your concern," Kakashi smiled at her as he put a hand over Iruka's mouth, already beginning to answer her question.

She scrutinized them both. "Right. Well, I'll let you get back to it then, shall I?" she said, and disappeared.

Iruka crossed his arms and tapped his foot.

"Oh no, while I've got you like this, I think I'll just keep it this way a while longer," Kakashi told him, not removing his hand. "Naruto is now informed. He has the right to make his own decision. If it's influenced by those around him, we can't really help it, since it's his life, and all that."

Iruka rolled his eyes.

"Now, I've got another problem I'd like you to take care of for me…" Kakashi said, ambiguously.

Iruka's eyes widened.

* * * * *

Being pressed against a pole whilst being assaulted by his teammate was not something Shino had planned for the day. However, as Kiba's tongue pillaged his mouth and his hands found their way inside his jacket, he thought he could make room for it.

Kiba un-tucked his shirt and roughly pushed his way up under it, causing heat to stir across Shino's chest where skin-to-skin contact was being made.

Finally, Kiba pulled away.

"So," he breathed. "Forgive me?" he grinned cheekily.

"I still require time to work out an answer," Shino answered, his usually calm demeanor, slightly less so.

"Oh really? Does this help at all?" Kiba asked, an entirely all-too innocent look on his face as he pressed their hips together, smirking at the small noise it caused his partner to make low in his throat.

"It depends on certain circumstances," Shino decided.

"Do you insist on being a smart-ass all the time?" Kiba asked, incredulously.

"Questions such as that deserve suitable retributions."

"Isn't that just a fancy word for punishment?" Kiba mused. His answer was received in the form of Shino reversing their positions and taking Kiba's wrists above his head.

"It does."

* * * * *

"Okay, you find Naruto, tell him that you forgot to tell him earlier, but this is a deadly important mission for the village," Ino told Sakura.

"Uhm…if you like, I could tell him…I'll say that you sent me…to tell him…" Hinata piped up.

"Hmm…yes, I suppose, he's probably afraid of us by now," Tenten mused. "Right, well, you go do that, we're going to find Sasuke!" they split up.

Thankfully, finding Sasuke wasn't too hard. He was sitting on a hill after training, thinking about the strange things he'd heard during the day.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura smiled and sat down beside him.

"It's been a while since we've seen you," Ino added, sitting on his opposite side.

He looked at them both. "What do you want?" he asked, plainly.

"Nothing, really," Tenten announced from above him, standing behind him to ensure he didn't run off.

"We've just been hearing these rumours, lately…" Sakura said, vaguely.

"What do I care about gossip?" he asked again, looking bored.

"Hmm…I guess you're right…" Ino said to Sakura.

"No, I really think that they might break the general way of things!" Tenten told her.

"Well, I think it would be pretty…um…interesting," Ino said, thoughtfully.

"You two have a point, I mean, he's not one to stick to how things are normally done, is he?" Sakura asked them.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm sure I will regret this, but what are you talking about?"

"Oh, right! Sorry!" Ino said, as though only just remembering he was there.

"Yes. You're right, Naruto just seems much more dominant. Sasuke would definitely be his uke," Sakura announced.

Sasuke stared at her blankly for a few seconds, before showing a slight twitch near his eye.

"…_Uke?"_


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – This story is based on characters and situations created by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made. Thank you.

A/N – I thought it was about time to write a new chapter, before InoLovesSasuXNaru has my head…Only one of my many lovely reviewers.

"N-Naruto-kun!" Hinata called out, seeing the orange-clad ninja walking aimlessly down the street.

"I have a…an important message, from Sakura-san," she said, pointing her fingers together.

"From Sakura-chan? What is it?" he asked, curious.

"W-well, she wanted me to tell you that the…request she made earlier, is an extremely important mission, for the sake of the village!" she lied, blushing furiously.

"What?" Naruto asked, his eyes going wide. "An important mission…that only I can accomplish? I see!" he announced, sounding excited.

Hinata stared at him. What had he seen? She had no clue how his mind worked.

"Only a ninja as powerful as me can take on this mission…only somebody destined to be Hokage!" he concluded.

"Uhm, that's…nice?" she tried, having no idea how he had come to this conclusion.

"I need to find Sasuke, don't I?" he whirled around, the knowledge of what exactly the mission _was_ filtering out of his mind to make way for thoughts and ideas of grandeur, respect, power…

"I think he was…near the training grounds?" she suggested, pulling Naruto from his fantasies.

"Right! Thanks, Hinata!" he shouted, already running off down the street.

* * * * *

"I'll teach her…calling me an uke…who the Hell does she think I am…" Sasuke muttered to himself, storming down the very same street that led to Ichiraku's.

He guessed it was the most obvious place to start looking, hardly thinking at all from the indignation of Sakura's comment.

He was interrupted in his thoughts by an orange-clad walking disaster-waiting-to-happen approaching him at full speed.

"Sasuke! There you are! Sakura said I need you to help me finish a mi-" he was cut off by Sasuke bringing an arm up to contact his chest, the force of which threw him into a nearby wall.

"But, Sasuke, you don't even know what the mission was – oh wait, _that_ mission…uh, nevermind!" he said, backing away, his hands up in a sign of surrender, suddenly deciding that the so called mission wasn't worth all of this.

Sasuke looked around quickly, making sure nobody was around. _I'll show her 'uke'…_ he thought mutinously, over Naruto's babbling. He rolled his eyes, realizing the blonde was not going to shut up any time soon.

"…and then Kakashi-sensei showed me a diagram, which doesn't look physically possible, but if it is, it must be painful, and-" Naruto was cut off as Sasuke got fed up, and brought his lips crashing down on the younger boys'.

His first reaction was to have his eyes fly open in shock, and freeze. Once he felt a tongue that was decidedly not his own, he came to his senses, and pushed the dark-haired shinobi away.

"So, they told you about the mission? Don't worry, I don't care about-" Sasuke once again cut him off rudely, using the fact that the blonde's mouth was already open to force his tongue into the shorter boys' mouth, running it along the foreign territory.

Naruto let out a small whimper. He had kissed Sasuke before – and still had the bruises from Sakura and Ino to prove it – but it was quite different to this. This was rather enjoyable, and any qualms and doubts he was having earlier immediately flew from his mind.

As he used his tongue to fight against Sasuke's, battling for dominance, an unbidden moan escaped him, a sound that wasn't unnoticed. Sasuke smirked against Naruto's lips, but pulled away as he heard voices from around the corner.

"…went this way?"

"I think so, dammit…"

"What, sore that you're missing the show?"

Sasuke cursed under his breath. It was definitely those three girls. He looked around, and decided that his house wasn't too far away. He released his hands, where they had been gripping Naruto's hips to stop the young boy from fleeing.

"W-what?" Naruto stammered, suddenly self-conscious.

Sasuke clapped a hand over Naruto's mouth and dragged him down a side street, staying pressed up against the wall until Sakura, Ino and Tenten had passed.

As their voices faded into the distance, he released his grip on Naruto, but instead grabbed him by the arm, determined to prove his point. Besides, he had been almost enjoying what was happening back in the main street, and wanted to finish what he had started.

Naruto couldn't get a word out as Sasuke took off, dragging his companion behind him.

The blonde was tripping over his feet as Sasuke pulled him down any number of alleyways and side streets, finally stopping outside a nondescript looking building, which he realized must be Sasuke's home.

Before he could take note of what was happening, he was forced against the door, and his mouth was once again being invaded. Sasuke braced himself with one hand against the wall, and fumbled behind Naruto for the doorknob, finally finding it and pushing the door open suddenly, causing Naruto, who had been using it as a means of support, to fall backwards and onto the floor.

Sasuke barely took the time to slam the door shut before he knelt over the younger boy, grabbing him sharply by his jacket and pulling him up into another rough kiss.

Naruto scrambled to get to his feet, helped along by Sasuke yanking him forcefully up and against the wall.

Sasuke struggled with the zipper on Naruto's jacket, and growled as the zipper seemed to have other ideas, and insisted on making life difficult for him. Giving up, he pulled out a kunai and slashed it open, forcing it over Naruto's shoulders, who made a noise of protest at seeing his favourite jacket damaged – a sound which was soon interrupted by a gasp as Sasuke's mouth descended onto his now exposed neck.

Naruto could feel something against the wall digging into his back, but couldn't seem to find the energy to tell Sasuke to move to a more comfortable place.

Sasuke, whilst still paying attention his partner's collarbone, had now focused most of his efforts onto the pants of Naruto's awful tracksuit, feeling like banging his head on the wall once they proved almost as reluctant to part from their wearer than the jacket had.

He briefly considered taking the same approach with them as he had with said jacket, but was jolted from his thoughts as something incredibly sharp met Naruto's back, and the smaller boy pushed off against the wall suddenly, almost knocking Sasuke over.

The sudden pressure and warmth of Naruto's body made the Uchiha's hands shake, and he hastily decided not to use the kunai.

Rather, he diverted his attention to the easily removed shirt that Naruto was still wearing, exposing his chest and stomach to his hands, and he hardly noticed when Naruto pulled his own shirt over his head. His skin was already so warm that he really didn't need the warmth his clothing provided, though he certainly noticed as Naruto tentatively ran his hands over the boy's sides, causing his dark-haired partner to shudder, before coming-to himself.

"Sorry," he murmured against the blonde's throat. "But I won't have you doing what you please with me," he punctuated his statement of authority by grabbing Naruto's arm and pulling him into an adjoining room, letting that door lam shut behind him as well. It was quite fortunate that the door had closed of its own volition, for as soon as it had; Sasuke had pushed Naruto against the door to resume where he had left off.

Naruto couldn't decide whether he was experiencing more pleasure than pain, as Sasuke was pressing him quite forcefully into the door – however, Sasuke's next move provided him with an answer.

Sasuke bared his teeth over the sensitive skin of the blonde's neck, biting slightly as he did so, causing a previously unheard-of heat to rush to every part of Naruto's body.

Naruto had finally decided that the mission Sakura had given him wasn't exactly as bad as he had thought, but was jarred from his thoughts by Sasuke's hand as it finally managed to remove the obstacle that was his trousers, forcing them down around his ankles.

Naruto shivered at the sudden exposure, already feeling naked in just his boxers, and countered the act by dragging his hands from Sasuke's grip and pressing his thumbs into his pelvic bone, causing the other boy to grind into him. Naruto let out a whimper at the friction he had accidentally caused. He attempted to return the action, but found himself being forced around, and flying through the air, only to land, thankfully, on a rather soft bed.

His heart stopped for a moment as he finally remembered what was to come next, and a panicked look appeared on his face. Sasuke shook his head in a reassuring move, climbing onto the bed and straddling his soon-to-be lover, putting a hand around the back of his neck and leaning down to press their lips together again.

Sasuke let his mouth trail lazily back down Naruto's neck and over his chest, the younger ninja arching up into the contact, until Sasuke's hand dipped below the waistband of his boxers, touching him in a place nobody else had touched him before.

He yelped and jumped back, banging his head on the headboard.

"What are you-" Sasuke decided he didn't have time for Naruto's protests, and repositioned himself over Naruto's legs.

"Just shut up and relax…" he muttered, his breath hitting Naruto's ear and making him shiver, even as he felt the material of his boxers sliding down his legs, and Sasuke removing his own trousers and underwear, the two items joining the rest of the mess on the ground.

Naruto's body was hypersensitive by this time, and even as Sasuke leaned across slightly, reaching forward to his bedside table, Naruto let out a moan at the feeling of their chests brushing together. He could barely hear anything now, save for his own heart beat and breathing, and was frequently letting out small whimpering noises as Sasuke shifted on top of him, sounds which reached Sasuke's ears clear and strong, causing that familiar gripping sensation to catch in his stomach and race to his groin.

Naruto could see Sasuke fumbling with something he had found in the bedside table, but didn't pay much notice, that was until one of Sasuke's now slicked fingers ran over his backside.

Naruto jerked forwards. "W-what was that?" he asks, casting around for the culprit.

Sasuke sighed, and held up a jar of hand cream. "I'm afraid it's all I've got, but it'll do…" he said, distracting the boy by swirling his tongue around the hollow of Naruto's neck.

While Naruto was focusing on…not much, to be honest, Sasuke took the opportunity to slide one finger into his partner, feeling Naruto tense and shift in discomfort, letting out a small noise of protest.

He pressed his lips against the blonde's in order to silence him, and tried again to prepare Naruto for what was about to come.

As Sasuke shifted above him, Naruto could feel pressure building in his lower abdomen, but it certainly wasn't enough to finish him off.

"Sasuke- holy shit! Sasuke!" Sasuke smirked. He had crooked his finger inside Naruto, and found the spot to make him scream in pleasure.

He silenced the boy with another kiss, swallowing the moans that were escaping him and fighting for dominance over his tongue, even as he slipped another finger into his bedmate.

Without wasting any more time, he moved his left hand over Naruto's arousal, and with his right, guided himself slowly but forcefully into the other boy.

Sasuke could feel Naruto grit his teeth against him, and waited for him to adjust, slowly inching himself deeper into the warm, pulsating mass that surrounded him. Naruto tensed again, a small gasp of pain escaping his lips.

Sasuke moved his head away and rested his forehead against the blonde's shoulder, pausing in his actions and breathing heavily. "You have to relax," he sighed, growing impatient, but oddly not wanting to damage his partner. Which was an odd notion, seeing as how most of the time he wanted nothing more than to rip his head from his shoulders. As he felt Naruto shift and relax against him, it didn't seem to matter as much anymore.

In the back of his mind, he thought he could hear voices outside the door, but blatantly ignored them, knowing his door locked from the inside, and without a key, nobody could get in.

He waited only a few seconds before turning his head slightly to suck at the skin just below Naruto's ear, and with that movement, he also began rocking his hips slowly. He paused for a moment, waiting to hear Naruto's protests, but upon hearing only heavy breathing and groaning, resumed his actions. He let out a low noise of his own at the feel of Naruto's tight body, beginning to find a pattern. Naturally, he didn't stick to the pattern for long, and he angled his body so that he could search for the spot he had located before, thrusting faster now, pivoting and grinding into the other ninja. Trying to pace himself until he found that place, but failing each time Naruto made his enjoyment audible.

Naruto's hands suddenly gripped Sasuke's back with a renewed strength, his eyes flying open and his entire oxygen supply leaving his lungs in a moan they would be certain to hear in Sunagakure, Sasuke thought.

Naruto pressed himself down onto Sasuke unconsciously, and the sudden movement of his hips brought to his attention the hand that was lying limp over the other boy, and he gripped Naruto, slowly bringing his fingers over the tip of the blonde's erection, then swam his palm down the shaft.

The younger boy moaned again, clearly coming close to a finish, and Sasuke began stroking him in time with the movement of his hips. Indescribable pleasure forced its way through Naruto's body, and he gasped his partner's name one more time before finally feeling the release he had wanted since the very first contact with the Uchiha's lips.

Sasuke felt him convulse and tighten around him, and following the other boys lead, let his head fall forwards onto the blonde's neck, biting deep into his shoulder to stifle his moans as the pressure built in his own stomach and forced its way through him.

He lay on top of his teammate, waiting for his breath to return, before rolling off him and collapsing onto the bed. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember what had made him need to do that so badly.

Finally something came to him, and he panted out – "W-was there a mission you needed help with?"

"Hn," came the ineloquent response. Sasuke found a small reserve of energy, and rolled over, propping himself onto his elbow.

"What was it?" he asked.

"Uhm…it doesn't matter any more…" the sleepy reply found him. After a minute or so, Sasuke made a suggestion.

"Should we…uh…clean up?" he asked, slightly awkward.

"…" Naruto had drifted into a light dose. Clearly the previous activity had been exhausting for him. Sasuke let himself fall back onto the bed, now even minding when Naruto unconsciously wrapped an arm around his middle, and started to drift off himself. That was, until-

"ARE YOU DONE?!" a shout came from outside the door, jerking him rudely awake.

He looked over to the door, remembering the voices he had heard earlier.

"Hurry up and get your uke arse out of there, Kakashi-sensei says he needs to see Naruto!" a familiar voice came through.

Before he realized what he was doing, Sasuke had pulled up the top sheet, wrapped it loosely around his hips, and stormed over to the door.

"I," he started, clicking the lock. "Am not," he added, yanking the door open.

"An uke!" he hissed into the faux-innocent faces of Sakura, Ino and Tenten.

Sakura and Ino took one look at his state of undress, and he could practically see the hearts form in their eyes. He rolled his own eyes as Ino contracted a nosebleed, and both girls feel to the floor in a dead faint.

Tenten shook her head. "Honestly, you'd think they'd never seen a naked guy before…" she muttered. She picked up both girls easily, throwing Sakura over her shoulder and holding Ino under her arm. She smiled at Sasuke. "Sorry to have disturbed you, sounded like a good show in there," she jerked her head, gesturing at the still sleeping Shinobi, evidently not disturbed by all the noise.

"I'll be off now. Bye!" she announced, vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Sasuke shook his head, and closed the door again, walking tiredly back over to the bed. He crawled back under Naruto's arm, and resumed his interrupted and much needed rest.

_A/N – This is quite possibly the final chapter – if I decide to write another one, you'll know. I feel like this is a good place to end it, but I might write a sequel. I apologize if my attempt at writing lemon wasn't quite up to scratch – many years reading, first time writing, so to speak._

_Since this is probably the last chapter, I thank all my faithful reviewers. As I've said before, InoLovesSasuXNaru stood out particularly strongly…but you all motivated me…sometimes with threats of physical violence (hah, you can't get me, I'm in the internet!) to complete this fic. It's been said, but I couldn't have done it without you, is a fair statement here. I just get so lazy sometimes…_

_Once again, thanks for reading!_


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